Mindfulness

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Just spent the last four days with the in-laws for Canadian Thanksgiving. I know I already published the mandatory, cliche “I am thankful” post, but the time I spent away from the city gave me a little bit of time to reflect.

Ever since I moved to Canada I’ve felt like I was in some sort of purgatory. Waiting at a stop sign for life to catch up to me. Mindlessly going about daily chores and self-improvement tasks just to get myself through the day. Up until now it’s all kept me pretty sane, given me something to focus on, goals to pursue. Over the last week, however, between getting sick and travelling to the countryside, my mind had some time to catch up to my body’s own mechanical movements.

When I moved to Canada it was my first time living in a different country from my mom. I knew nothing aside from the language, had no idea how long it would be before I could find a job, or before I was even allowed to work, for that matter. In fact, that’s something I still don’t know. All I knew is that I was moving to this new exciting place with the man I loved.

I never made too big a deal out of any of it. I imagined it would be much like every other move I had made up until this point. But then the day actually came to hop on a plane and fly over here. Meet my in-laws for the first time, in person, and figure our what the rest of my life was going to look like. It hit me a lot harder than I had ever expected it to. I couldn’t quite believe where I was for the first few weeks.

In the past week I’ve realized just how lucky I have been in this last year. From the very beginning, despite my very apparent grogginess when I arrived in the country, my partner’s family accepted me as one of their own. They’ve taken me in and treated me with more love and kindness than I ever could have hoped for. So much so that I when we go visit them I find myself forgetting where I am, forgetting all the formalities my mother always taught me. I feel comfortable, and I fear at times that I may get a little too comfortable.

I think I realized a lot of this early on, and I was always appreciative of it. In yoga and meditation people often talk about the concept of mindfulness. Of being present in the moment and appreciating it for what it is. Not worrying about the future or cringing at your past memories. This last week allowed me to reach that point. To really realize where I am and take it all in. It’s taken some time, but I think I’m just starting to figure out how to find myself again.

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